In September my daughter started big school.
Faye-Marie is the youngest of my two children and after 9 years of either being pregnant or playing full time mummy, it was finally my turn to think about myself again.
I searched high and low for a job which would be compatible with being a mummy, but also one which would finally give me by career back and happiness in the work place.
After 2 months looking through local job boards, I found one working for a local charity the hours are 9-3 every day with a day off for socialising with brunch friends…. Perfect!
My children happily settled back into school life, my husband was happy with the idea of another income and I finally felt like I could move forward to support my family as my husband has for the past 9 years.
The day finally comes to start work, im very nervous! My CV and interview got me the job, but its my responsiblility to prove after 9 years, that Im an asset to the company.
Im nervous with sickness but it wasnt too bad, the staff are lovely and I think I could enjoy this!
Day 2 and the sickness is bad, simple flu- nothing paracetemols plenty of water and an early night after work can’t cure.
Wow this working alongside motherhood is exhausting and mentally draining…. but ive got this!
By the third day im getting to grips with meetings, staff, volunteers, expectations, events and everything else that my job involves.
Although im still struggling with flu I get on with it… like mothers all do… as we simply DO NOT have time to be poorly.
The last day of the week is finally here and I feel relieved to have the next two days to recouperate and get back to full health for the following week.
As I sit at my desk filtering through many welcome emails… my brain wonders back to the last 2 months and how manic it has been with the kids starting back at school and my husbands various work commitments not to mention weekend family commitments.
OOOOOHHHHHHHHHH…… something hasnt happened this month that should have!!
I sit at my desk hoping my colleagues don’t notice the rush of worry that sweeps across my face like a tornado…. I hurrily excuse myself for lunch and rush to the nearest chemist!
Low and behold as I sit quietly in the work toilet cubical there it is….. PREGNANT proudly written in dominant blue text across the test….. I would like to say what went through my head at the time I read it… but i honestly do not remember… it was a mixture of excitement, fear, guilt, remorse and many many other feelings which rolled into a humungous break down consisting of tears and not wanting to go back to my desk.
What was I going to tell work? Ive only been there 4 days!
What would my husband say?
What would I do?
Can I cope with 3 children?
Like any person does… as we dont have a choice…. I sucked it up, dried my eyes, hid the test in my bag and went back to my desk.
3 hours I stared at the screen, sending emails and replying to various attempts at conversations in the office… trying my hardest not to give anything away.
My mind is a yo-yo back and fourth all the way home. God knows how I arrived safely as my mind was everywhere but on the road.
Mother nature threw me a curve ball and it well and truly knocked my sideways but there was one thing I knew and that was that my children are the absolute world to me, having another was another reason to love my life.
My husband took the news very well…. infact he congratulated himself on his team mates and their fertility…. men!
We decided not to tell the children as I was only 4 weeks pregnant and they do not have the ability to keep secrets… we decided to save it for a christmas day surprise.
We told parents and a select few close friends and I contemplated telling my job at such an early stage… but i’m not one to keep secrets and thought it was only right I let them know. They took it as well as can be expected and were very supportive on my decisions and plans going forward… I am very lucky.. must admit though it took alot for me to tell them… I was terrified!
The children found out on Christmas day and the reactions were definatey not ones to share on youtube…… My son didnt believe me and my daughter went into panic, she was no longer the baby and decided against having a small sibling…. to which she said “We don’t want a baby brother or sister thank you”…. oh ok then i’ll send it back…..!
10 weeks down the line and the kids have come round to the idea and I might even say a little excited!
Work have continued to support me and Ive booked my medical dates to make sure they are completed clued up on what is happening with me… its the best I can do.
5th January comes round after a sober and long Christmas/New Years with many forms of congrats from close family and friends.
It’s the day of our first scan….. i’ve done this a number of times before with my other children but I don’t remember being this nervous!
12 weeks is a long when your waiting to find out if you are definately pregnant and more importantly if your baby is ok.
Laying on the utrasound bed waiting to see an image on the screen is the most stressful situation I have experienced in a while… the last one being when my daughter had a crystal surgically removed from her nose back in June… dont ask!
Well there he/she is!!
Bouncing around with hiccups and sucking its thumb!
My heart swells!
I have forgotten how to change a nappy, what sleepless nights are like and the pain of labour… but I do remember what a child brings to my life.
From the moment I found out there was no doubt I would do everything and anything to protect it.
Life isn’t mapped out for us, we haven’t a clue what life will throw at us and we can’t plan a structured future.
We will always have curve balls, whether through love or life but every change brings an opportunity.
My change is being a mum of 3 and juggling a new job.
I have no doubt it will be eventful, hard and exhausting but very rewarding!
I wouldnt have it any other way.